I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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