Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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