FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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