no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
