u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
