Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
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