He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
