she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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