apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
