so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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