that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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