Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
