remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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