new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I got inside last night via doggy door
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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