I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
