Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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