i would punch a child for taco bell
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
