I'm going to rape someone's good day.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
