i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
