Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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