i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
