that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
