I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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