non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
