She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
