absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
