I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
