I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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