and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
