A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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