we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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