My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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