found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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