Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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