We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
