You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
