the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
