guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
