I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
