That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have post one night stand depression
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
