Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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