i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
