how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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