God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
