He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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