He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
