dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
