Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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