just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
