My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
